Dear Material Girl: Well apparently it's time to review my annual love letter to you. I call this a love letter but you may interpret this as criticism. Truly, I write out of concern for you and your judgment. While I believe your recent appearance in Interview Magazine should best be called full frontal view, that would be stating the obvious. But what is also obvious, my dear girl, is that you've ignored sage advice I have proffered in the past about several of your recent performances in what appear to be uncomfortable outfits.
Exposing your Madonna-like breasts at age 55-plus, may be a freeing experience for you, but for others it's like some of your costumes - uncomfortable. And that may very well be your intent, you innovative thing you. But I can see that it still hasn't sunk in -- you, like the rest of us girls, are aging. And like your zeal for the reveal, that unfortunate fact hasn't changed.
I get it when other women defend your decision to top off your career by, well, taking your top off. But for me, and many of my very smart and successful female peers, we are of the mindset that an intervention rather than an interview and magazine layout would be more beneficial.
Clearly, you are not trying to get my attention in the first place. Indeed, you may no longer care at all about your female fans. As girls, we are all familiar with being relegated to a lower status when a cute boy comes along. To that I say best wishes. I hope this photo shoot brings you what you want. I guess this is Ta Ta! And just so there are no hard feelings as we nip this relationship in the bud, I've included my original letter to you as a gentle reminder of my loyalty.
Dear Material Girl:
I have always loved you. I’ve been inspired by how you’ve consistently broken new ground throughout your career and how you continue to take risks as an artist and as a woman.
But Madonna, it’s time to wake up and cover up.
I say this as a fan and a friend. We are contemporaries. We started our careers at about the same age. Since then, you’ve beaten me and many other 50- something women in the fit and fabulous game. But you’re still our age and it’s starting to show. If your friends won’t tell you, at some point the media and a meaner public will.
Dear girl, please stop dancing and prancing around in what appear to be adult “onesies.” We know your thighs are lean and firm, but it’s kind of heartbreaking to see how you are beginning to resemble one of those Dancing Grannies who pop up on the Today Show every now and then. At least they know and acknowledge that they’ve gotten older.
Sure, Lady Gaga is nipping at the heels of your Dr. Scholl’s. But someday, she’ll be wearing them, too. You’re still more creative than she. You still have the power to once again reinvent yourself as the more mature Madonna, the more emotionally secure Madonna -- the Madonna who can make crow’s feet be in vogue.
Do it for us, your aging but still remarkable and devoted girlfriends; the ones who have been by your side for decades beginning with your virginal days on the gondola boat to this Sunday’s spot on the 50 yard line at Lucas Oil Stadium.
And please, oh please don't misunderstand me. You still look fantastic – uber-great in fact. And as you demonstrated at your press conference yesterday, you still dance magnificently. But it’s time to stop gripping those young, shirtless male dancers and get a better grip on a fact of life that like all of us, you’re getting older. In "Like A Prayer" (one of my favorites by the way) you sing that life is a mystery.
Maybe not.